On Removing Whales From The Beach

It occurred to me this weekend that if we had powers like the title character in Hancock, most of us would get beached whales back in the water like he did.
Sure, you could pick the whale up, carry it in the water, and set it down gently. But then you get you pants and shoes wet. Actually, you probably end up completely submerged. It's a whale, it needs quite a bit of water. You could pick it up, and fly it out, then set it gently into the water, but it's still probably going to splash you, and it might be hard to hold on to, since you know the do-gooders are trying to keep it from drying out. You probably have to get under it and fly with it on your back, which is certain to be messy.

And besides all that, what's to stop the whale from getting confused and swimming right back to shore? Then you have to start all over. No, the proper response is to grab it by the tail and just fling the sucker. Gets it well away from the shore, gets the point across this isn't a good place to be, and it's less muss and fuss for you.

Just be careful not to hit any day sailers.